Wednesday, December 24, 2008


Chartres Cathedral Nativity

Such a loss! Such a keen and tearing pain. Even when I am in a crowded room, there is a loneliness I never knew existed. Comforting God, I have turned to you so many times for solace, and I come again. While the world is bright and sparkling, my heart feels leaden and has an emptiness that cannot be filled.

Lord, how can I enter into this season of joy? In my head I celebrate your birth into this world, but in my everyday life, I am filled with a grief that runs so very deep. You blessed me with a loving relationship and now it is gone from my life. How can I be faithful to that love and the memory of that love and my sorrow in this season of "Rejoice!"??

Tears are so close to the surface all the time and helpful friends who want to "keep me busy" don't seem to really understand that I need to embrace my grief. I am afraid of letting go of the sadness and losing the deep love connection I had.

Instead of entering into the Rejoice of Christmas, I long for the sorrow of Lent. I beg you Lord, show me how the two are connected. I ponder the name Emmanuel and know that it means "God with us." With us. With me in this world, in this sorrow. If I look beyond my pain, I know that you, too, suffered so much in this world. I never understood so clearly before that Emmanuel is what your nativity is really about. You are in my world, in my pain.

Thank you, Lord, for the loved one you blessed my life with. Grant me now in my grief, a peace. Give me a comfort that might not make the tears go away, but that lets me feel your presence as you take up a place deep in my heart, with me.

(Another one from the
Creighton Advent Website.)


knittinpreacher said...

I have been reading this space, and following. This has been a dark advent for me as well, though not for reasons that are even remotely similar. Thank you for your honest, open words. Thank you for sharing yourself. My prayer for you is that you know that you do not walk alone. My prayer for you is that you will once again glimpse the light that overcomes the darkness. My prayer for you is one of hope and comfort. I cannot offer words to make this easier, but you will be held in prayer this night, tomorrow and forward. Peace to you.

Purple said...

(((GG))) May it be so.

Anonymous said...