tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post7923163348282372237..comments2023-10-03T08:55:47.505-07:00Comments on Praying Advent Through Darkness: Memories UnspokenGannet Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16374279595560691174noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-46308751398062472712008-12-04T16:10:00.000-08:002008-12-04T16:10:00.000-08:00Oh, God, Gannet, I am so sorry.I remember the utte...Oh, God, Gannet, I am so sorry.<BR/><BR/>I remember the utter agony of the first Christmas Eve after our fifteen month old daughter was killed....My Grandma told us not to talk about her because it would make my uncle and his wife, who had a child two months younger, feel bad. And my father began dinner with the toast "May 1991 year never have happened"--thus wishing away a third of her life. And several years later, when my mother gave the count of her grandchildren to a neighbor with Rachel subtracted (she still does this, I know, and even understand why--but hasn't since in our presence, at least). <BR/><BR/>It is unbelievable that people think mentioning our beloved ones would make us hurt more, or suddenly remember them as if we had forgotten....And it is so tiring to constantly be the ones bringing them up naturally to clue people in that it's acceptable and in fact terribly welcome. <BR/><BR/>Praying.Dr. Laura Marie Grimeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10372741914558791844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-86365471552284107532008-12-04T11:36:00.000-08:002008-12-04T11:36:00.000-08:00His name is Josh.His name is Josh.Gannet Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16374279595560691174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-49999265935490154452008-12-04T09:07:00.000-08:002008-12-04T09:07:00.000-08:00Gannet Girl, what was his name so I can say it for...Gannet Girl, what was his name so I can say it for you and for him.<BR/><BR/>Catherine+Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04267544451078638468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-51615339699651582832008-12-03T19:29:00.000-08:002008-12-03T19:29:00.000-08:00After R. first died, I wrote of feeling that every...After R. first died, I wrote of feeling that everything about me had become distasteful. That passed, but bringing up my husband now is causing that same reaction of discomfort again. I cannot pretend he did not exist or that he doesn't still take up so many of my thoughts, yet there doesn't seem to be a place for that in this world. Thank you for creating this blog, this entry, your courage and generosity in sharing all of this.Cynthiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11641264346663533706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-36588425365769162852008-12-03T09:49:00.000-08:002008-12-03T09:49:00.000-08:00Oh that is so painful...knowing that the silence c...Oh that is so painful...knowing that the silence comes not from lack of care but from mistaken belief that it will be less painful does not make it easier in any way.<BR/>And I guess that if anything could make Chicago Son's absence even more evident it might be the silence around his name. <BR/>Inadequate hugs and prayers continueKathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09171138485811816831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-25844044095899852202008-12-03T06:23:00.000-08:002008-12-03T06:23:00.000-08:00So sorry. One of the worst things about grief, in...So sorry. One of the worst things about grief, in my experience, was everyone around me acting as though the world were normal when it was clearly all wrong and would never be normal again. 3 years later, my family still doesn't talk about my mom. Don't they realize it cuts out all the stories of my life if we can't talk about her? I suppose not, or else it's too painful for them, I don't know. <BR/>I hope you find a place you can talk about Chicago Son, remember and honor and maybe even giggle a little at silly stories. <BR/>(I'll stop making this about me now...)Terihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10838436991138846332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-81116446769045573792008-12-02T13:31:00.000-08:002008-12-02T13:31:00.000-08:00I think it's almost harder to be with close relati...I think it's almost harder to be with close relatives, who have their own set of feelings adding another layer of complications and, because they are older, a different generational perspective. I am so sorry for the silence.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-78804090630241806712008-12-02T13:02:00.000-08:002008-12-02T13:02:00.000-08:00Chicago Son! I remember you and honor you! your f...Chicago Son! I remember you and honor you! your family does not forget you!<BR/><BR/>Thank you for this message.Mary Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02970052534402740820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-10563029271097845482008-12-02T12:18:00.000-08:002008-12-02T12:18:00.000-08:00It must of been heartbreaking to sit through the h...It must of been heartbreaking to sit through the holiday and yet feel like you could not (or deferred because of not being in your own home) speak of your son. <BR/><BR/>You remain...in my heart.Elaine (aka...Purple) https://www.blogger.com/profile/09439199680556347830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-4013657809981347902008-12-02T09:49:00.000-08:002008-12-02T09:49:00.000-08:00Oh, I am so sorry for the absence of any mention o...Oh, I am so sorry for the absence of any mention of him at the table. I can understand why that would only intensify your own grief and sense of isolation. <BR/><BR/>In seminary, I had a friend whose family honored their recently departed loved ones at holiday meals by setting a place for him/her. I thought that was so powerful - such a vivid acknowledgment of the loss, and a reminder that the person was still so present in his/her absence in the hearts of the people at the table. <BR/><BR/>I don't know if I've left a comment on your blog before or not, but I do think of you, and remain so sorry for your loss.earthchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12447310443886956100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-2298121676380912032008-12-02T09:03:00.000-08:002008-12-02T09:03:00.000-08:00So sorry. I feel your pain. And see this over an...So sorry. I feel your pain. And see this over and over again. Can you be the one to make the phone call, and/or first mention of his name, helping others know it's not only okay ... but what you want and need?Rev SShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14661507940053055640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4794583556124128391.post-45056213706067623622008-12-02T08:07:00.000-08:002008-12-02T08:07:00.000-08:00Gannet Girl I hear you, and acknowledge your need ...Gannet Girl I hear you, and acknowledge your need to speak of and about your son. How strange it is that behave as a community that is unaquainted with grief... our culture has a lot to answer for.<BR/><BR/>Peace be with youSallyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01759963926280667938noreply@blogger.com